http://www.healingmarriages.com

There is a lot of info in the Marriage Principles section.  The rest is on each link.  Please give us feedback and let us know what you think.

Thanks,

Eric

What is the most effective way to create and sustain great relationships with others? It’s The 100/0 Principle: You take full responsibility (the 100) for the relationship, expecting nothing (the 0) in return.

Implementing The 100/0 Principle is not natural for most of us. It takes real commitment to the relationship and a good dose of self-discipline to think, act and give 100 percent.

The 100/0 Principle applies to those people in your life where the relationships are too important to react automatically or judgmentally. Each of us must determine the relationships to which this principle should apply. For most of us, it applies to work associates, customers, suppliers, family and friends.

STEP 1 – Determine what you can do to make the relationship work…then do it. Demonstrate respect and kindness to the other person, whether he/she deserves it or not.

STEP 2 – Do not expect anything in return. Zero, zip, nada.

STEP 3 – Do not allow anything the other person says or does (no matter how annoying!) to affect you. In other words, don’t take the bait.

STEP 4 – Be persistent with your graciousness and kindness. Often we give up too soon, especially when others don’t respond in kind. Remember to expect nothing in return.

At times (usually few), the relationship can remain challenging, even toxic, despite your 100 percent commitment and self-discipline. When this occurs, you need to avoid being the “Knower” and shift to being the “Learner.” Avoid Knower statements/ thoughts like “that won’t work,” “I’m right, you are wrong,” “I know it and you don’t,” “I’ll teach you,” “that’s just the way it is,” “I need to tell you what I know,” etc.

Instead use Learner statements/thoughts like “Let me find out what is going on and try to understand the situation,” “I could be wrong,” “I wonder if there is anything of value here,” “I wonder if…” etc. In other words, as a Learner, be curious!

Principle Paradox

This may strike you as strange, but here’s the paradox: When you take authentic responsibility for a relationship, more often than not the other person quickly chooses to take responsibility as well. Consequently, the 100/0 relationship quickly transforms into something approaching 100/100. When that occurs, true breakthroughs happen for the individuals involved, their teams, their organizations and their families.

Enjoy…

Websites

Arbinger Institute

http://www.arbinger.com/en/home.html

The Arbinger Institute’s insights into human relationships are deeply profound and life changing. They are insights into how we make choices and how those choices affect every part of our life. Particularly, watch out for the term “Self-Deception”. Applying this knowledge can bring immediate, positive change in your life. We have especially loved their books, Leadership and Self Deception, Bonds that Make Us Free and The Anatomy of Peace.

Stephen R Covey

https://www.stephencovey.com/

Of course Covey is best known for his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, yet we found First Things First to be equally life-changing. If you have not had a chance to hear him, you might want to check out one of his audio books.

The Great Life Foundation

http://www.thegreatlifefoundation.com

Excerpt from their website:

The Great Life Foundation is an educational training company whose purpose is to provide experiential trainings that will assist you in taking on your life and assist you in coming to the knowledge of who you truly are. By creating a safe environment, you learn how to have your life work on new levels you never thought possible. We are not a religion or political organization and do not seek endorsements from religions or organizations. Our training is designed for people committed to having their lives work better.

Dave Ramsey

http://www.daveramsey.com

Do you have debt? Dave Ramsey’s no-nonsense approach to debt elimination is one of the most simple and effective methods we have seen.

Smart Cents

http://www.smartcentsinc.com/

This is the resource we refer to in the first paragraph on the Marriage & Money page. Janine Bolon’s book (she also does a seminar) Money It’s Not Just For Rich People was the key to our finally getting our finances in order. Janine’s website is a wealth of information.

Identity Theft and Legal Protection

http://www.prepaidlegal.com/hub/ericwheath

In today’s economy we have found two resources that keep our family safe and give us peace of mind. Studies show that 1 in 4 people will have their identity stolen this year. Also in today’s world, access to the legal system has become as important as car and health insurance. After a lot of research we have chosen to use Pre-Paid Legal Services for our identity theft protection, and legal coverage. They can also help you get your will in order, for the added assurance that gives.

LDS Family Services – Addiction Recovery Program

http://www.providentliving.org/familyservices/AddicitonRecoveryManual_36764000.pdf

There are many things that can damage a healthy marriage and addictions are right up there in the list of most damaging. This guide has been created by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and is based on the work done in Alcoholics Anonymous. There are 12 Steps to recovery that begin and end with the Atonement of Jesus Christ. If you suffer from addictions or know someone that does, please read and study this guide.

Books

Christian

• Bible
• A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23 – Keller

LDS

• Book of Mormon
• Believing Christ – Robinson
• No Doubt About It – Sheri Dew
• Others – Yorgason

General

• As a Man Thinketh – Allen
• Being Happy!- Matthews
• Nurtured by Love: The Classic Approach to Talent Education – Suzuki
• First Things First – Covey
• The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success: A Practical Guide to the
• Fulfillment of Your Dreams – Chopra
• Laddie: A True Blue Story – Stratton-Porter
• The 5 Laws That Determine All of Life’s Outcomes – Harward

Relationships

• The Peacegiver: How Christ Offers to Heal Hearts and Homes – Ferrell
• Bonds That Make Us Free: Healing Our Relationships, Coming to Ourselves – Warner
• Healing the Shame that Binds You (Recovery Classics) – Bradshaw

Marriage

• All of the relationship books above are excellent!
• The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands – Schlessinger
• Fascinating Womanhood – Andelin

Finances

• Secrets of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth
  - T.Harv Eker
• Hidden Treasures: Heaven’s Astonishing Help with Your Money Matters – Householder
• Your Money or Your Life: 9 Steps to Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Achieving Financial Independence: Revised and Updated for the 21st Century – Dominguez & Robin
• The Millionaire Next Door – Stanley and Danko
• Money…It’s Not Just for Rich People! – Bolon
• The Automatic Millionaire: A Powerful One-Step Plan to Live and Finish Rich – Bach
• How to Get Out of Debt, Stay Out of Debt, and Live Prosperously: *(Based on the Proven Principles and Techniques of Debtors Anonymous) -Mundis

Health

• Nourishing Traditions: The Cookbook that Challenges Politically Correct Nutrition and the Diet Dictocrats – Fallon
• Eat Fat, Lose Fat: The Healthy Alternative to Trans Fats – Enig
• The Maker’s Diet – Rubin

Parenting

• The Power of Positive Parenting : A Wonderful Way to Raise Children
  - Latham
• Parenting With Love And Logic (Updated and Expanded Edition)
  – Cline and Fay
• Christlike Parenting: Taking the Pain Out of Parenting – Latham
• The New Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are – Leman
• The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families – Covey
• Farmer Boy (Little House) – Laura Ingalls Wilder

Home

• Clutter’s Last Stand: It’s Time To De-junk Your Life! – Aslett

We posted the book online also (Click the image below to view a free preview):

Thanks, Eric

Eric

An excerpt from
The Strangest Secret
by Earl Nightingale

George Bernard Shaw said, “People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can’t find them, they make them.”

Well, it’s pretty apparent, isn’t it? And every person who discovered this believed (for a while) that he was the first one to work it out. We become what we think about.

Conversely, the person who has no goal, who doesn’t know where he’s going, and whose thoughts must therefore be thoughts of confusion, anxiety and worry – his life becomes one of frustration, fear, anxiety and worry. And if he thinks about nothing… he becomes nothing.

How does it work? Why do we become what we think about? Well, I’ll tell you how it works, as far as we know. To do this, I want to tell you about a situation that parallels the human mind.

Suppose a farmer has some land, and it’s good, fertile land. The land gives the farmer a choice; he may plant in that land whatever he chooses. The land doesn’t care. It’s up to the farmer to make the decision.

We’re comparing the human mind with the land because the mind, like the land, doesn’t care what you plant in it. It will return what you plant, but it doesn’t care what you plant.

Now, let’s say that the farmer has two seeds in his hand- one is a seed of corn, the other is nightshade, a deadly poison. He digs two little holes in the earth and he plants both seeds-one corn, the other nightshade. He covers up the holes, waters and takes care of the land…and what will happen? Invariably, the land will return what was planted.

As it’s written in the Bible, “As ye sow, so shall ye reap.”

Remember the land doesn’t care. It will return poison in just as wonderful abundance as it will corn. So up come the two plants – one corn, one poison.

The human mind is far more fertile, far more incredible and mysterious than the land, but it works the same way. It doesn’t care what we plant…success…or failure. A concrete, worthwhile goal…or confusion, misunderstanding, fear, anxiety and so on. But what we plant it must return to us.

You see, the human mind is the last great unexplored continent on earth. It contains riches beyond our wildest dreams. It will return anything we want to plant.

http://www.providentliving.org/familyservices/AddicitonRecoveryManual_36764000.pdf 

There are many things that can damage a healthy marriage and addictions are right up there in the list of most damaging. This guide has been created by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and is based on the work done in Alcoholics Anonymous. There are 12 Steps to recovery that begin and end with the Atonement of Jesus Christ. If you suffer from addictions or know someone that does, please read and study this guide. Click the more button to read the 12 Steps.

THE 12 STEPS

Step 1

Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addictions and that your life has become unmanageable.

Step 2

Come to believe that the power of God can restore you to complete spiritual health.

Step 3

Decide to turn your will and your life over to the care of God the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.

Step 4

Make a searching and fearless written moral inventory of yourself.

Step 5

Admit to yourself, to your Heavenly Father in the name of Jesus Christ, to proper priesthood authority, and to another person the exact nature of your wrongs.

Step 6

Become entirely ready to have God remove all your character weaknesses.

Step 7

Humbly ask Heavenly Father to remove your shortcomings.

Step 8

Make a written list of all persons you have harmed and become willing to make restitution to them.

Step 9

Wherever possible, make direct restitution to all persons you have harmed.

Step 10

Continue to take personal inventory, and when you are wrong promptly admit it.

Step 11

Seek through prayer and meditation to know the Lord’s will and to have the power to carry it out.

Step 12

Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, share this message with others and practice these principles in all you do.

Eric

Thanks,

Eric and Mindy